Chill NB ✌☺♥ @chillnb@swingset.social

therapist: and what do we do when we feel sad?
me: have a bunch of anonymous sex with strangers
meme therapist: no
my actual therapist: wow that's great! how's that been going?

I feel like I stopped doing anything I wanted to write about shortly after making the account for writing about it.

kind of annoying that my libido has recalibrated to "impatience because it's been almost a week" but I can't really complain because I'm still getting some

the one almost a week ago was only okay though, haha

"Sucking dick with a condom is less fun than sucking dick without a condom, but it's still more fun than not sucking dick."

I have got to find a way of saying "I don't always come so don't make it a big deal" that doesn't cause people to stop trying. 🙄

as much as I phrased it as a joke, I'm genuinely unsure what to expect from/with this person. they're hard for me to read, which makes me nervous because I like having a good understanding of where I stand with people. but we've definitely both gotten a lot better at actually saying what we want since the last time we saw each other regularly.

I said something vague about touch and affection, and then thought out loud for a bit and landed on something like: "it feels more appropriate to want bdsm in a sex space than sex in a bdsm space," and we talked a little about whether and why that's true.

and then we did some impact play, as aforementioned. but later on I invited them to play with my chest (which was bare for most of this time), and they took me up on it. 💦

"how do you feel about impact play?"
"it's good ... I'm more interested than I sound, it's just, like, above the 'would do and enjoy' line, but below the 'craving it' line"
"what are you craving?"
"... 😳 um."

the question threw me for a loop, not because I didn't know the answer, but because I knew immediately, didn't want to say it, and wasn't sure why.

"so did you end up with marks from last night?"
"I don't know yet, haven't looked at my back. want to check?"

💦

seriously though, love to be in a space where considerate questions and thoughtful answers about not just boundaries but also desires are totally normal and expected

I actually kinda felt like I was among my people for the first time in a while

well, still no idea how that friend feels about me, but I collared them, helped chain them to a wall, watched another (new) friend flog them, spanked them with a paddle, cuddled with both, and made out with them a lot

so I guess signs are positive 😛

I haven't hooked up since the breakup, although I've flirted a little. I'm feeling ... pretty rebound-y if I'm honest, which feels silly to say after a thing that only lasted a couple of months, but it's true.

going and being around cute naked queers feels like it might be good for me, and if I'm not feeling it I can always leave. 🤷‍♂️

h-uh. discovered I had an invitation to a sex party tonight that I hadn't noticed. it was auto-added to my calendar from facebook, and I was apparently invited by a cute friend I was low key crushing on before I moved away and never could quite figure out if it was mutual. (we made out a couple of times at parties but never, like, talked about it? and we haven't talked since except for accidentally running to each other one time.)

maybe I'll go to that. 🤔

life's not perfect but sometimes I get a text out of the blue with a photo of my hot friend showing off the leather harness they just got, with a flirty caption, and you know, life's not that bad, either